Shock, disgust and some confusion have spread from Ottawa to Atlantic Canada with the revelation of tapes of conversations between a senior official in the Tantrama City Government and a top cabinet member in the Federal Unity Government. In the tapes, made somewhere between 25 and 30 May 2007, Tantrama City’s Minister of ACOA Relations and Random 
Infrastructure Development Designate “Little Cousin” Kenny Archibald MacKay Morris, left, is heard seeking an arrangement with the Federal Government which is being described as “a transaction”. Also heard on the tape is recently appointed Deputy Prime Minister Ken Dryden, right, returned along with the balance of Paul Martin’s third minority government just weeks ago.
TRANSCRIPT:
Morris: Hey Kenny!
Dryden: (muffled) Why hello (unclear), Kenny.
Morris: Siddown, Siddown, Kenny. (whisper) Call me Skipper. (louder) ’72, eh, Kenny, pretty good, eh?
Dryden: What?
Morris: You know, Russia. Pretty fine…right on…eh? eh?
Dryden: Sure…ya…sure…you asked me to meet? We certainly could have met in my offices on the Hill, you know, Tantrama City issues are top priority for the new Unity Government, Ken…
Scene of the meeting
Morris: (whisper) Skipper! Remember to call me Skipper!
Dryden: Sure…ummm…Skipper. Have you got a problem with your coat? No? What can I help you with?
Morris: Well, I wonder if we might discuss an arrangement with…
Dryden: WHAT? (unclear) nuts?
[Background: sounds of chairs shifting.]
Morris: (whispers quickly) Siddown, siddown, Kenny, shhh. I’m not talkin about anything that it not done all the time. What I am suggesting is with the upcoming vote in the New Atlantica and all the crap coming out of St. John’s and Fredericton, you lads are gonna need all the pals you can get. So what I am suggesting is that I will accept an ACOA grant in the amount of $87,000 and in return I will accept a position in the Senate.
[Pause – 15 seconds.]
Dryden: (quietly) excuse me?
Morris: I will accept an ACOA grant in the amount…
Dryden: No, I heard what you said. It is just not really…umm…a deal. It’s just you getting…two different things.
Morris: No, it isn’t.
Dryden: Yes, it is.
Morris: No, it isn’t.
Dryden: Yes. Yes, it is.
[Pause – 10 seconds.]
Morris: Oh…well, what do people usually ask for?
Dryden: I don’t know. No one has ever suggested such a (unclear)(unclear)(unclear) thing. I have never done (unclear). [Background: chair scrapes.] Look, umm, I think we better leave it there for now (unclear) call in a few (unclear)…
Morris: (louder) Are you gonna finish that fritter?
Dryden: No (unclear) take that (unclear) for you troubles.
[Background: door slam.]
Morris: (whisper) Bonus. [Pause] Aw, friggit. Forgot to get my friggin’ hockey card signed. Frig.
[Tape ends]
There has been no response to date from the Office of First Minister Designate of the Tantrama City Provisional Government, John McDonald MacKay Archibald.