Category: Politics

From the Office of the Minister

Memo to Staff

Dear Diary

24 January 2006, 10:37 pm.

My head still aches. The party was half relief, half dejection. 103? It could have been worse. Those that stayed on? That could be worse, too. The boss looked happier than I have seen him in months. Someone else will be the new boss in a few months. How many have there been? Bosses. There was that one weekend in ’84 I thought of being the boss. Helen was right. I never did have the charisma of Eugene Whalen.

What can they do with 124? And who is going to back them? Maybe it will be a matter of who won’t – with all the party’s debts another election in 2006 would destroy us. I’m too old to need this many asprin.

Found the damnedest thing in the humidor. Someone had made off with the last Hoyo De Monterrey but left a scrap of paper and words written in what I do not hesitiate to describe as a faltering hand. Something about “the Calgarians are at the gate”. Any idea what he was on about?

The Prime Minister has congratulated his opponent and offered his support in the transition to a new government. He has also announced that he will not lead our great party into another election. The people have indeed spoken, and it is not pleasant to hear.

I spoke to my own campaign workers, supporters, and friends, and thanked them for their (successful) efforts to return me to Ottawa for another term, although this will be a different task for me: on the wrong side of the house.

I would be lying if I said this was a welcome change of status. There was much left undone in my portfolio, much that I think would have been good and worthy, had I but had the opportunity to bring it before the house. Now, I must adapt to the eternal role of the loyal opposition: to critique the proposals of the new minister and (where appropriate) to dig in and oppose with all my might where those proposals are wrong-headed, obtuse, and ignorant of the reality of this great country.

It is only a minority we face, but we face it divided, leaderless, and unsure. We may have the strength to obstruct, but not yet to rebuild or even to hope to recapture our former position. Not yet, at any rate.

The figure stands at the dark window at dusk, a glass in his hand swirling, looking down at the street from his campaign office. The other one. Not the street level one where people can see you but the one he started booking for himself after his third election. Down the hall he could just make out the drumming of a typist.

“I am exhausted,” he thinks to himself. “It was a good race at least for me but what a mess…what a mess. My eighth. Feels much longer. When did those kids get in charge? How long has it been since we it that we didn’t speak about brand and spin or maybe even values? Back in ’84? What a mess that was, too. But every decade the House gets cleaned out. Looks like this one, the decade with no name, will be no different…”

He turns back into the gloom to the rented desk. Glass touches crystal. “After all that power – what now? I might was well be in the NDP for all the say I’ll have…like back in the 80s.” He drinks and touches the tip of his tongue to his lip, drawing air in through the whisky’s hot breath. “Who will be left with me? The boss? He even made that race interesting, the fool. Every election you never know who’ll be left with you. You never know…” He puts down the glass. “How long until ten?” he thinks as he checks his watch again.

[From Jan to March 2006, I tried a group humour blog with others on the subject of Canadian politics. It did not last but the posts were worth keeping. #16 was banned. There were no comments. It was at www.shadowcabinet.ca. The eight writers were anonymous political bloggers, identified only by a number – so I can’t recall who was who. I was #4. I wrote posts #1, #4, #7, #8, #10, #15, #17, #18, #20, #21.  In 2016, I added posts #22 and #23.]