You, Sir, are a fool and a fascist! The day we agree to this proposal is the day I see you in rotting in the bowels of Hell!!!
Ian Doyle, Nfld Min of Finance, responding yesterday to the summit’s closing speech by First Minister Designate John McDonald MacKay Archibald
Emotions ran high this week at the end of the summit in Tantrama City on health issues which extended well past the original four days. Some progress was made but not in areas where great hope for a breakthrough had been expected.
Angry Crowds At Tantrama City Yesterday
Despite the hope and, then, demands of all four provincial premiers, representatives of the breakaway regions of Cape Breton, New Brunswick’s Acadian Penninsula and, to a lesser degree, the Souris Downtown Region (Alleged) as well as (beyond the security fencing) crowds which grew day by day, no further funding for health care was extended beyond the levels in place before the irrevocable extension of direct access to the Federal Treasury was granted by Federal Order in Council to the Tantrama City, granting First Minister Designate of the Provisional Government, John McDonald MacKay Archibald, what some – including he himself – have described as god-like powers.
Rather than announcing changes in health care funding in accordance with resolutions of the conference sesssions, First Minister Designate Archibald announced an elaborate plan of subsidized ferry and hydrofoil building for local transportation as a means to achieve self-sufficiency for the shipyards of the Northumberland Strait “for generations to come!” to the wild – some say intoxicated – applause for the delegates from the Souris Downtown Region (Alleged).
Calls of a legitimization of the new intermediary level of government through a ballot providing responsible government and a referendum on the policies proposed by the Provisional Government were met with little action. Meanwhile, officials from the four Provincial Premier’s offices reported no longer being able to contact the office of Federal Prime Minister Paul Martin or, even more oddly, the offices of Opposition co-Leaders Belinda Stronach and Peter MacKay. All recently published Federal literature, including maps indicate the region to the east of Edmunston, New Brunswick, as New Atlantica with the capital at Tantrama City. When questioned by these events, First Minister Designate Archibald announced that he would be undertaking a region wide series of “mussel, clam and lobster feeds or gobstuffs” in preparation for evaluation of the policy research opportunities required in order to lay the groundwork for plans for the first free election for New Atlantica:
Through meeting with supporters and perhaps others throughout the region and eating clams with them, it is the hope that the Provisional Government may lay the basis for the introduction…err… continuation…ummm…use of responsible government throughout the region as is enjoyed in…other places…I think.
The first in the series of Regional Feeds was announced late today for a series of villages from Tidnish to Pugwash along Nova Scotia’s North Shore with the theme “Hydrofoil Production and You.”
First Minister Designate Archibald, Left, Undertaking Provision Planning
For The Upcoming Regional Feeds Earlier Today
In this context the representatives of all Atlantic Canadian communities will meet over the next four days to determine how the newly and mistakenly granted access to the Federal Treasury can arrest and reverse the collapse of healthcare within Canada’s poorest region. At the first plenary session this morning, First Minister Designate of the Tantrama City Provisional Government, John McDonald MacKay Archibald, left, introduced by a bagpipe rendition of “We’re In The Money” praised the leaders of Atlantic Canada for gathering so soon after the announced devolution of fiscal powers and regional autonomy, especially given the “quite valid but, frankly, pointless dissatisfaction voiced over the lack of constitutional precedent or electoral support for the recent realignment and the decisions to be made at this glorious summit,” comments which were met with stoney silence from the room except for the delegates from the Souris Downtown Region (Alleged) who cheered wildly.
Shock, disgust and some confusion have spread from Ottawa to Atlantic Canada with the revelation of tapes of conversations between a senior official in the 
Infrastructure Development Designate “Little Cousin” Kenny Archibald MacKay Morris, left, is heard seeking an arrangement with the Federal Government which is being described as “a transaction”. Also heard on the tape is recently appointed Deputy Prime Minister Ken Dryden, right, returned along with the balance of Paul Martin’s third minority government just weeks ago.
The news broke last evening around suppertime, forcing First Minister Designate of the 
Early reports are confirming that, apparently in a rush to get out of Ottawa before the long sleep of Parliament, the summer recess, the Federal Unity Cabinet under the direction of Prime Minister Paul Martin has – in addition to announcing the long planned confirmation of the new capital at Tantrama City – extended asymetrical federalism for a third time after Quebec and Alberta unexpectedly, irreversibly and perhaps erroneously granting the four Atlantic provinces their own regional legislature with devolved powers of a super-province as well as a direct draw on the national treasury plus exclusive powers over the fisheries, marine transport, ferries, inter-provincial bridge building and, oddly, the navy. Cleatus Morris, above left, Deputy First Minister Designate of the Tantrama City Provisional Government, describing himself this evening as First Admiral and Deputy First Minister Designate of the Tantrama City Provisional Government was reported as saying “Oh Happy Day, Oh Happy Day” as he danced a jig badly, stumbling and falling with glee as if intoxicated.
In the run-up to today’s the confidence vote in Ottawa on the third Martin government elected just two weeks, a surprise move was made today by Cleatus Morris, Deputy First Minister Designate of the Tantrama City Provisional Government.
heralded in leaked draft press releases from both Ottawa and the provisional government of the pending Maritime Union located at Tantrama City as a “a cornerstone of economic development” for the new Maritime mega-city and the entire mega-province being created under Liberal Party of Canada direction as part of its effort to “rationalize the Canadian reality” as it enters leadership its third minority government in two years. Apparently working on the principle that the mightiest tides in the world can create shipping speeds unheard of in conventional docking and disembarking ports, a new harbour area in the 
Presented with the leaked plans for the mega-project, and its estimated cost of 23 billion dollars, First Minister Designate of the Tantrama City Provisional Government, John McDonald MacKay Archibald, the Federal Liberal appointee, announced this Thursday: “We are planning to apply a lot of new technology, a lot of technology, yes, and a fair chunk of ACOA funding as well to make this dream of a new city for all peoples within the Maritime Union zone.” When asked what economic purpose the SlingTide project might actually serve, FMD Archibald, after a moment’s pause, stated that given access to the St. Lawrence Seaway has been restricted, it is expected that Port Archibald will return the new Maritime Union to its rightful place in world shipping lanes, providing access to Maritime goods throughout the northeastern of the United States and what he called “the Caribee” on a “for profit” basis, mentioning something about coal and potatoes as well as “a fair chunk of ACOA funding.”