My Cat Appears To Be Malfunctioning


“Explain myself? I don’t have to frikkin’ explain myself…I’m a cat!”

As far as I can tell, I think there are humans on one side of the line and then there are plants and animals on the other. Our cats were mousers. They were brought in for a job and when we moved three and a half years ago to a mouse-free lifestyle, the cats found a way into the luggage. They are pushing seven now and life most early middle agers are starting to show signs…even leak once in a while.

When we first moved we deal with his 12th floor anxiety and a vet prescribed a buck a day kitty-valium. And the other one, the she, proved the old joke “When is a cat like a dog – when she is a bitch”. We bought catnip instead. Kept them stoned until the angstity one straightened out a bit. Now we have another problem and I am bracing for the “overnight stay” recommendation. I wonder if that will trigger the big needle response. Don’t get me wrong, this is a pretty good cat as cats go. The only trouble is he goes all over the place…no, that is unfair – he goes where it is most distasteful. That is a skill.

But I have standards. I will not have a cat that wears a diaper. I will not pay $500 buck. There are too many young cats in the minor leagues waiting for their break.