The Devil Does Not Recommend Canada

Because you all need more Robert Burns (1759-1796) in your lives and this is his birthday. I hope you all had your haggis, neeps and tatties.

Address Of Beelzebub

To the Right Honourable the Earl of Breadalbane, President of the Right Honourable and Honourable the Highland Society, which met on the 23rd of May last at the Shakespeare, Covent Garden, to concert ways and means to frustrate the designs of five hundred Highlanders, who, as the Society were informed by Mr. M’Kenzie of Applecross, were so audacious as to attempt an escape from their lawful lords and masters whose property they were, by emigrating from the lands of Mr. Macdonald of Glengary to the wilds of Canada, in search of that fantastic thing-Liberty.

Long life, my Lord, an’ health be yours,
Unskaithed by hunger’d Highland boors;
Lord grant me nae duddie, desperate beggar,
Wi’ dirk, claymore, and rusty trigger,
May twin auld Scotland o’ a life
She likes-as butchers like a knife.

Faith you and Applecross were right
To keep the Highland hounds in sight:
I doubt na! they wad bid nae better,
Than let them ance out owre the water,
Then up among thae lakes and seas,
They’ll mak what rules and laws they please:
Some daring Hancocke, or a Franklin,
May set their Highland bluid a-ranklin;
Some Washington again may head them,
Or some Montgomery, fearless, lead them,
Till God knows what may be effected
When by such heads and hearts directed,
Poor dunghill sons of dirt and mire
May to Patrician rights aspire!
Nae sage North now, nor sager Sackville,
To watch and premier o’er the pack vile, –
An’ whare will ye get Howes and Clintons
To bring them to a right repentance-
To cowe the rebel generation,
An’ save the honour o’ the nation?
They, an’ be d-d! what right hae they
To meat, or sleep, or light o’ day?
Far less-to riches, pow’r, or freedom,
But what your lordship likes to gie them?

But hear, my lord! Glengarry, hear!
Your hand’s owre light to them, I fear;
Your factors, grieves, trustees, and bailies,
I canna say but they do gaylies;
They lay aside a’ tender mercies,
An’ tirl the hallions to the birses;
Yet while they’re only poind’t and herriet,
They’ll keep their stubborn Highland spirit:
But smash them! crash them a’ to spails,
An’ rot the dyvors i’ the jails!
The young dogs, swinge them to the labour;
Let wark an’ hunger mak them sober!
The hizzies, if they’re aughtlins fawsont,
Let them in Drury-lane be lesson’d!
An’ if the wives an’ dirty brats
Come thiggin at your doors an’ yetts,
Flaffin wi’ duds, an’ grey wi’ beas’,
Frightin away your ducks an’ geese;
Get out a horsewhip or a jowler,
The langest thong, the fiercest growler,
An’ gar the tatter’d gypsies pack
Wi’ a’ their bastards on their back!
Go on, my Lord! I lang to meet you,
An’ in my house at hame to greet you;
Wi’ common lords ye shanna mingle,
The benmost neuk beside the ingle,
At my right han’ assigned your seat,
‘Tween Herod’s hip an’ Polycrate:
Or if you on your station tarrow,
Between Almagro and Pizarro,
A seat, I’m sure ye’re well deservin’t;
An’ till ye come-your humble servant,

Beelzebub.(The Devil).
Hell,
1st June, Anno Mundi 5790.

Surely you are each embarrassed by the suggestion that you might need a translation.

Blahging

Bloggers talking to bloggers about blogging.

Darren and Will share their notes from the same presentation at a blogging conference. It’s great that they are enjoying themselves and all but why do their notes give me the willies? Will noted the comment: “if you talk about something long enough, you will become an authority on the topic.” Yikes!

How about this one: if you isolate yourself and others from legitimate expertise, you will appear smarter than you are.

On Reading “Best Before” Labels

One of our neighbours from down the street brought us a large bottle of beer in a nice gift bag when they came to our pre-Christmas levy. It was a bottle of Picaroons, from a brewery in Fredericton, New Brunswick. Nice, appreciated gift. My only concern is that the Best Before date reads:

G250 Feb0198

Should I: chuckle?; call the police?; close the blinds permanently?; move? Am I reading the date incorrectly?

Blizzard Coverage

Good blizzard coverage from Mike and Ian. We really missed it once again – despite a few hours on Saturday.

Seeing as this is now officially the boringest day of the year, talking about the not weather is even acceptable today.

Update: Arthur has a great photo of his view in Truro, NS of his refilled in driveway. Hey – can I out your address? I am thinking I used to play soccer on the field across the road.

Update #2: Dan has a whole gallery of him feeding Isaac though a stormstay.

Tinky – Meet Bob

Reports are coming in that Tinky Winky feels a bit relieved, no longer standing alone in the cause of tolerance of sexual orientation of asexual cartoon characters everywhere. God, too. God was originally going to call it the Book of Tinky Winky and Sponge Bob Squarepants rather than the Book of Job. But he figured folks would just not get it in the years BC. We have now caught up with eternity.

Tags and Five Degrees of Trackback

I wrote something over at John of Argghhh!!! (remember: one “r”, two “g”s and three “h”s) and then got trackback to the comment. Here is what I wrote:

These times your country are living in are perhaps too “interesting”, under the logic of that Chinese curse. One thing we up here have up on you in recent history is experience with division. The calls to “unity” remind me of the Quebec separatist era of 1965 to 1995 – which has largely and surprisingly dissipated, perhaps if only for a time.

The ideological divide is obvious to all. Yesterday, during NPR’s call-in after the inauguration one particular caller, phoning-in on the dedicated “Republican line”, was so full of anger and hate at his perception of the anger and hate of the Democrats/liberals it really got me to wondering. Up here, due to our looser and dynamic confederation, the provinces right now have greater autonomy than the feds impose overall control (this shifts decade to decade) compared to your states and feds. We do not now expect national “unity” anymore so much as a working peace. What makes that possible, however, is one province, Ontario with roughly 40% of the entire population which plays national trump card. You lack that fluke of history and also lack the Parliament. So the anger expressed in that 1-2% swing in the national vote becomes the main story as states have too little power to effectively form blocks on issues as might be expressed in a Parliamentary form of democracy. Gridlock.

There must be a better outcome than the triumph of 51% over 49%. It really can’t be enough to say the 49% are now wrong anymore than that other 49% was in 1992 when your Federal goverance was reversed and the then minority was subject to ridicule. I fear, however, if the attitude of that caller is indicative of the common mood. When asked what he would give to foster greater unity he said he would give “my value to the liberals as well as a place at my church” – of course only if they would sub-ordinate themselves. Little dignity and individual autonomy in that. How would a person who saw things in the 49% be the slightest bit attracted to that pew? The core of mutual disrespect is a bad situation.

So what to do? After the very close call of Quebec separatism in 1995, we worked towards a greater asymetrical arrangement where provinces got to express themselves more indiviually. But that donesn’t really appear possible for the US now. If I were a US liberal, I would focus on the local and the state level and forget for this term and likely the next the prospect of running Washington. My goal would be swinging states back and that takes time. Either that or creating enclaves much as the South and Prairie states have in the liberal eras – move to New York, Oregon.

Neither of those outcomes are, however, “unity”. Is the best you can expect is successive slim majorities one way or another?

My trackbacker at Random Fate, a blog I have not read before, then wrote this:

An observation from Canada

Alan, a Canadian, left an long, excellent comment to a post at Argghhh!, where John points to a discussion by Silfray Hraka on selective quotations. At the risk of falling prey to selectively quoting, here is the key point that I liked from the comment at Argghhh!:

There must be a better outcome than the triumph of 51% over 49%. It really can’t be enough to say the 49% are now wrong anymore than that other 49% was in 1992 when your Federal goverance was reversed and the then minority was subject to ridicule. I fear, however, if the attitude of that caller is indicative of the common mood. When asked what he would give to foster greater unity he said he would give “my value to the liberals as well as a place at my church” – of course only if they would sub-ordinate themselves. Little dignity and individual autonomy in that. How would a person who saw things in the 49% be the slightest bit attracted to that pew? The core of mutual disrespect is a bad situation.

In other words, if we refuse to respect those who don’t see the world the same as we do, how can expect things to be any different than they are now, with little discussion but instead opponents shouting past each other, accomplishing nothing but adding noise and anger?

Read the entire comment (it’s the first one after John’s post), but be sure to read the discussion that John pointed to first which is also well worth reading.

The internet is an interesting thing. What I wrote originally was a comment gone somewhat mad – I had originally thought I was going to post one sentence. But I like what I wrote and John doesn’t mind so I posted. What I really like about it all is that it is four degrees of separation between the article written in the Washington Monthly, to the post at Silfray Hraka, to the post at John’s, to my comment at John’s, to the post at Random Fate. Is that four degrees or five?

One thing we do not have in the internet is a means to track these connections other than the sometimes trackback with is linear rather than a net. It would be interesting to be able to have gathered organically the other comments which have spun off the original article in the Washington Monthly. If the original article could have unique ascribed to it by the author, then this would be possible but some sort of tag reader would have to be created that could display the hub article and all the related discussions down separate spokes. Could that be created?

…and am I really “left an long”?

Stop the NHL Madness!!

It was interesting to read the statements of Trevor Linden, head of the NHL Players Association after attempts to discuss the current lock-out collapsed:

With commissioner Gary Bettman out of the way and hardline owners like Boston’s Jeremy Jacobs and Carolina’s Peter Karmanos out of the picture, Linden was hoping to make some headway. He says what he found out was — regardless of who’s in the room — the NHL is as determined as ever to get a salary cap. “Their pursuit of a team-by-team hard cap, NFL-style model, is crystal-clear,” Linden said. Linden believes the players want to find a solution and are willing to examine new ways of getting there. But to his mind the league road map is fixed, always leading to a salary cap. “If we can’t sit in a room and have a mutual discussion and work around each other’s problems to get to an agreement, then what are we looking at?” he asked. “I think players really get their back up when they understand what’s going on here.”

Here are the things Bettman does not understand:

  • Canadians do not like NHL hockey like Americans like NASCAR or the NFL. They like hockey;
  • Whatever happens with the NHL, Canadians – whether resident in Canada or the USA – are your audience. The 1,000,000 Canadians in Los Angeles are the only reason the Kings exist;
  • Canadians are quite content to watch other hockey like AHL, junior and, now, on sports TV Swedish league. We have learned all the funny Finnish and Latvian names and are happy to watch them;
  • Most of the NHL is still populated with Canadians from small towns or with small town ethics. These people for better or worse were not brought up in hockey to aim for millions but for hockey glory. This is not an innane comment but compared to the NBA, NFL or baseball the point of all the years of 5 am practices was not to earn you celebrity and was not the only route available to comfort for the players growing up. It is for the most part about being the best. These are boy scouts gone mad, lunky Dudly Do-rights…that is all. If you screw them, they are as likely to go get another job – because there is nothing your average Canuck likes less than a dumb boss;
  • The best opportunity for fan pressure in support of the league are already past. There is nothing a Canuck respects more than someone who will walk on a pay cheque – think freelance lumberjacks. Not that we are that but we like to think that we are that. Even the guys in their 50s in their suits on the 67th floor. They are prouder of their canoe and the edge of their axe than their retirement savings. That pride is at stake. The players have walked after they found the arenas locked. How many will come back? Wherever they go, Canadians will follow. To watch hockey. The NHL is ultimately irrelevant; and
  • Canadians have never liked Gary Bettman.

My best guess is the puck will next drop on the 2006-2007 NHL season with another Commissioner, 80% of the teams, 60% of the audience, 80% of the wages and 60% of the current owners. And it will be a good thing.

Sticky Bun Withdrawal

Much sadness met the news last week that Cards Bakery on King Street suffered from a fire. Cards was (and hopefully will be again) the home of the unreasonably large pastry. Like any good bakery they had day-olds for a ridiculously low price which, despite the apparent petrification the high sugar content rapidly imposed on this otherwise delightful cinnamon roll, were rejuvinated with about 12 seconds in the microwave. Shown in only partly grotesque larger format with a mere click upon the image to the right, this puppy weighed in at probably over a pound of yeast risen cakey perfection. Six cost $2.50 as day olds – under 42 cents Canadian each. Nothing.

When I bought this one and the other five that went before it, I joked whether it was scientifically possible to get more sugar and butter into one object. The clerk said that they would give me a side dish of sugar for dipping if I wanted one. Rumour has it there is a branch in the burbs.

Cheapest Mobile Blogging

This summer I plan a road trip that includes hotels with internet hook up. I want to maintain this site for the two weeks I am away but want to spend as little as possible doing that. I also plan to visit some US micros for photo-laden posts at A Good Beer Blog. I have no laptop. What would you recommend? What is the absolute cheapskates’s approach to mobile blogging?

Update: I am keeping this up top for a few days. I need more butt kicking from portland as well as a good idea or two. One question – what is the most backwards laptop available second-hand which you could use? A Tandy 100?